It’s funny that the discussion of coffee’s importance is considered pretentious. I’ve spent the last year or so really falling in love with the world of coffee. As I move my way through recovery and expand my love of food, my daily cup has played an integral role in allowing me to enjoy the moment. But it has also opened my eyes to things we take for granted in our food system. Coffee is a process. Even the coffee that’s vacuum sealed and processed only to be mixed with hot water. It involves hard labor, chemistry, and passion. If you wish to dive into this world and expand your knowledge of what’s in your cup, I urge you to do so. Start with James Hoffman’s “The Atlas of Coffee.” But I wanted to focus primarily on how coffee is shifting my thought process and how I believe it can help advance passion and recovery.
As always, please take my word with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional anything. I’m constantly trying to adjust and find comfort to live my life to its fullest potential. But coffee has taken me to the next level of food appreciation and recovery from anxiety and eating disorders. My daily cup and pastry have become a must. As important as my time at the gym or my walks. A moment where I put everything in perspective and simply indulge in and enjoy the quietest part of the day.
I would never have imagined six months ago that I’d be enjoying a pastry and coffee every morning. It’s still a challenge some days. But I move forward on it regardless because it has become essential to my life. Coffee helped me establish this. Without that medium, I would never have conquered my fear of sweet foods or pastries as a dietary staple. That was the initial goal. But I soon realized the striking differences in taste and feel of each coffee shop and venue. Whether espresso or drip coffee, none were the same.
I will not bore you with details of how I feel about coffee. Reading my posts, you already know how emotional I am about food. Coffee takes that to a new level. Do me a favor and dive into how coffee reached your cup. It will absolutely blow your mind. Once I gained an appreciation for the nuance in the taste of coffee and the many facets of procuring it as a commodity, there was no looking back. I try to enjoy and savor each sip. I attempt to pick up flavor notes and subtleties. I ask baristas about the mineral content in their water. I lust after expensive espresso and coffee machines for home and commercial use. Back to the pretentious comment, I may be crossing the line. But my point is… I’ve fallen in love with coffee.
I think that for my own sake, I’ve found the practice of appreciation of foods very conducive to a smoother recovery process. This is a hot take. But I think it’s worth repeating that we have lost touch with exactly how food reaches our mouths. I can see it in the mistreatment of service staff or the blasè disregard for the need for regenerative agriculture. I’m not saying there’s some easy and utopian solution to this. I’m not ignorant. I’m also not someone who sources ethical food 100% of the time. But I am someone who appreciates everything that I eat or at least tries to do so. That’s what coffee has helped solidify.
Coffee has also helped to quell or rationalize my anxiety. For anyone who suffers from panic, it’s a task to remove yourself from catastrophic thinking. No matter how often you don’t die after thinking you’re going to die, it doesn’t make you think you’re going to die any easier the next time. Panic attacks are harmless. But they’re real. Coffee has forced me to think and rationalize situations that I find uncomfortable and scary but are otherwise completely harmless.
If I have too much coffee, it’s not fun. My heart races, and my mind is fuzzy. I may feel sick or out of control. But I love the coffee and do not want to leave it behind. This may sound deranged. Some people would say, “hey, if you get anxiety with coffee, why not just give it up?”. To that, I would respond because I don’t want to. The times I get anxiety from drinking coffee are few and far between. But also, why would I kneel to something I can simply cope with and learn from? When I get that coffee buzz, I can make it what I want to make it. I can choose to panic or I can choose to enjoy it. I’ve decided to do the latter. I know what this feels like, and I can recognize the oncoming effects. Therefore I can talk myself off the ledge and simply accept it.
These lessons have carried into my panic attacks. When I feel those familiar symptoms of heart palpitations, dark thoughts, nausea, and throat tightness. I can fall into the trap of thinking, “ok, this is the big one!” Or I can acknowledge the obvious and then choose to realize that I have to cope with the discomfort. But it’s not going to kill me. I’m not sure if panic has killed anyone. I’m pretty positive coffee hasn’t, though. In fact, I believe coffee is associated with coronary longevity. So as I sit and sip my cup and enjoy my croissant…even when my hands begin to shake, I am confident that I am still steering my ship in the right direction. I may sound like a douche mumbling to myself, “hmmm…is that stone fruit? It has to be,” as I attempt to place the pallet. But if that means I get to enjoy life a little more while I’m here? So be it.
I’m not embarrassed about loving coffee. In fact, I’ve become passionate about it to the point where I wonder if it will be a career someday. Every part of it fascinates me. Whenever I travel, I seek out the best ships and geek out on their house drip or featured roaster. I bond with the workers about their in-house pastry programs. It’s opened up an entirely new world for me. If you love coffee, keep loving coffee. Don’t take it for granted. Whatever you’re drinking likely took a few years to get to your lips. In most cases, it took some really painstaking labor that may or may not have been fairly compensated. Anyway. Don’t feel guilty about this stuff. Just keep loving it.
