Will I ever be happy with my body?

While my mission with this blog is to offer insight and support in recovery, it also highlights that this shit doesn’t go away overnight. While I can give advice to an extent, I’m reminded time and time again of my own position in the process. I have made serious headway, but I’m nowhere near healed. This will be a constant struggle until I can reconcile the negative feelings and gain satisfaction with who I am.

I don’t know how to get to the root of this. It’s so easy to convey an image of strength as though I’ve conquered something. The hard part is admitting how much more work there is to do. It will take a lifetime to undo the habits I’ve created. The self-doubt and contempt is the part that I want to go. I want to love and trust myself. That’s all I want.

This morning, I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I feel bloated and fat. I want to say I gave myself some positive affirmation and moved on with my day. But in reality, I feel like a loser. It takes all of my focus, and my entire day turns into a cycle of lamenting about how I look. I’m not writing this to discourage anyone. Pursuing recovery is hands down the best decision I’ve ever made. I feel better than I did. But I do want to warn you that the fight is constant. At the end of the day, I am optimistic this will all be worth it. But some days, I am so lost that it almost feels hopeless.